It is that time of year for many transitions in the education realm of the world, including college freshmen moving into their beloved dorms on campus. I still remember my experience, leaving my small farming community for the first time (for an extended period, at least). It wasn’t the greatest day, necessarily, bringing in all the random desktop computer, bedding, clothes, etc., nonsense up a few flights of stairs on a rather hot day. Of course, we freshmen had to arrive a few days before the rest of the upper classmen, not just to get better acquainted where everything was in our new home, so to speak, but also to participate in those absolutely dreadful ice breakers. Oh, did I do my best to avoid those with every fiber of my being. Nevertheless, I caved in a few times, and obviously, survived just fine for those freshmen and all-around college days.
However, it isn’t always easy to meet new people, especially when we’re put into situations when we basically have no choice but to talk from scratch. It may not be the same as dorm room floor ice breakers, but it’s perfectly natural for there to be some level of awkwardness. When it comes to congregational life, and for those of us who have called Divinity home for years, we usually don’t have to experience the church version of before or after worship ice-breaking, for example. Not the way that visitors do, whether it be here or anywhere else. It can be rather…awkward, to say the least.
First, you’re walking into a place where most people know each other, and have known each other for years, even decades. You automatically feel like an outsider. There can be all this insider church lingo that not everyone knows about, especially those who are testing out public worship life for the first time in a while. And no matter how well we try to craft our communication to let people know of what we’re doing when and how, we’re always going to miss some details that might be helpful for visitors. And then, many of us who aren’t so sure about the future of the church as we know it, will immediately jump at the chance at welcoming and, perhaps, over-welcoming any potential new additions to our membership roll. We don’t mean any harm. We don’t bite or anything…we’re just excited! But…it’s not always easy for these precious children of God to break their respective ice that they’re treading, sometimes rather lightly, for whatever the reason.
During my senior year of seminary, we were encouraged to check out different congregations around the area from Sunday to Sunday: to see how they operate not just in the sense of worship, but in hospitality. I still remember a time when Sarah joined me, and we were greeted by other worshipers, as well as the pastor, before the worship started. And then, during the opening announcements, the pastor introduced us as a newly married couple (that didn’t happen for another couple years) to the congregation, and had us say a few words to everyone before the opening hymn. Be careful, dear church! What we may think is lovingly hospitable, may send people packing to never come back. There’s already enough awkwardness for many children of God trying new things in their journey with God and God’s people. Let’s not add to the discomfort.
And yet, we shouldn’t flat-out avoid those “ice-breakers,” either. After all, God has already broken in the ultimate reality that we are all loved by God, all worthy of grace and mercy and compassion, all worthy of being included in the body of Christ in whatever form possible. Visitors are not expected to pass some kind of litmus test to be included, either, because Christ has already ushered them in from the beginning. Granted, it will take different ways of showing that Gospel assurance to people who wander into our midst. Some will engage in lengthy conversations. Some will politely nod and be on their way. But, without necessarily going over the top, we can still manage a quality exchange of Christ’s love: an appreciation for them entering the awkwardness, an appreciation for being a part of God’s family whether a part of our congregation or not, and an encouragement that wherever they go from here, God is never going to leave them. Thanks be to God, indeed!
In Christ,
Pastor Brad
Image: from Boston University